Comments on: An ongoing battle… http://nataliehemsley.com/2010/06/25/an-ongoing-battle/ Inside the Life of Natalie Hemsley Wed, 07 Mar 2012 03:35:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Marissa http://nataliehemsley.com/2010/06/25/an-ongoing-battle/comment-page-1/#comment-79 Marissa Mon, 28 Jun 2010 03:46:26 +0000 http://nataliehemsley.com/?p=815#comment-79 Natalie, do not be so hard on yourself! Coming from someone who can completely relate to all of your frustrations please know you are not alone. I spent 3 years dealing with the same things (except I didn't have little D then). It got to the point where me and Doug recognized that it was best for both of us if I came home to visit whenever I had the chance (and Doug came with when work allowed it!). I wasn't afraid to go without him because it was great for me mentally to see everyone and "recharge". If it is in your budget, do not be afraid to come to SoCal to see your family (and get your much needed alone time!!) even if Josh cant make it. It is what saved me and gave me something to look forward to when we lived so far away! And I understand how you feel like you never get a break. As another married mom (who 90% of the time plays single parent thanks to the stupid coast guard!) you NEED, NEED, ABSOLUTELY NEED to take time for yourself. Do not feel bad at all. You are human and all moms need to remember that they count too and if you are in a better place, then that is better for Nyla!! I, too, feel bad for leaving my little man for others to watch...even if I leave him with my own mom! LOL. I just know how demanding my little man is so I feel like I am always rushing to get back to get him when someone else watches him. I have had to learn to get past it. I know you have great group of friends up there and do not feel bad for asking for them to watch Nyla while you take a couple hours to do everything or nothing!! :-) Or even consider trading babysitting so you both benefit. I hope you know that you are not alone in all of this. Our circumstances are slightly different but we all struggle with feeling like something is missing. Sometimes I think to myself that I would rather live in Michigan again if it meant Doug was home every night with us. I feel like little D is missing out on bonding with his dad but I cant let it get to me because I don't have control over it. Things will eventually change but I have finally accepted this is my reality now. But do not get me wrong...there are days where I get mad that Doug isn't here, and I am having to do it all on my own. Remember you are allowed to feel how you feel and if you ever need to vent, know I am here and will complete understand!!!! :-) Natalie, do not be so hard on yourself! Coming from someone who can completely relate to all of your frustrations please know you are not alone. I spent 3 years dealing with the same things (except I didn’t have little D then). It got to the point where me and Doug recognized that it was best for both of us if I came home to visit whenever I had the chance (and Doug came with when work allowed it!). I wasn’t afraid to go without him because it was great for me mentally to see everyone and “recharge”. If it is in your budget, do not be afraid to come to SoCal to see your family (and get your much needed alone time!!) even if Josh cant make it.

It is what saved me and gave me something to look forward to when we lived so far away! And I understand how you feel like you never get a break. As another married mom (who 90% of the time plays single parent thanks to the stupid coast guard!) you NEED, NEED, ABSOLUTELY NEED to take time for yourself. Do not feel bad at all. You are human and all moms need to remember that they count too and if you are in a better place, then that is better for Nyla!! I, too, feel bad for leaving my little man for others to watch…even if I leave him with my own mom! LOL. I just know how demanding my little man is so I feel like I am always rushing to get back to get him when someone else watches him. I have had to learn to get past it. I know you have great group of friends up there and do not feel bad for asking for them to watch Nyla while you take a couple hours to do everything or nothing!! :-) Or even consider trading babysitting so you both benefit.

I hope you know that you are not alone in all of this. Our circumstances are slightly different but we all struggle with feeling like something is missing. Sometimes I think to myself that I would rather live in Michigan again if it meant Doug was home every night with us. I feel like little D is missing out on bonding with his dad but I cant let it get to me because I don’t have control over it. Things will eventually change but I have finally accepted this is my reality now. But do not get me wrong…there are days where I get mad that Doug isn’t here, and I am having to do it all on my own. Remember you are allowed to feel how you feel and if you ever need to vent, know I am here and will complete understand!!!! :-)

]]> By: Auntie Ronie http://nataliehemsley.com/2010/06/25/an-ongoing-battle/comment-page-1/#comment-78 Auntie Ronie Fri, 25 Jun 2010 20:26:58 +0000 http://nataliehemsley.com/?p=815#comment-78 Natalie, Keep your head up! I know how it is to go through tough times and not feel you have the strength to carry on. Life sometimes takes a turn and you wonder, why am I here in this place. I know how it is to take a step back and say wow, I never pictured my life like this... but it is. Just know that it won't last forever... know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and while you would like to see that light now, patience is a virtue that is all too hard to acquire, yet has the most rewarding benefits at the end. We will all be together soon enough. I know you are trying to make the best of what you have, you are an amazing mother and wife! Keep you're head up, life will pan out the way it is supposed to. And although you want to have another baby, maybe right now just isn't the time. I know you probably have a timeline of the way you wanted things to occur, but sometimes you just have to give up control and let life happen and unfold regardless of what you had planned. I wish I could have another sibling for Charlie, however, that's just not in my cards right now, and just like you, with where my life is right now, I emotionally and physically would not be able to handle another child. Even, I, at times, look at the reality of not having anymore children and it makes me sad... but like I said, right now I just possibly cannot do it, and if it turns out that I don't have anymore later, then so be it... then Charlie will be my princess and I will live to make sure she experiences all the world has to offer her. And yes, sometimes I too, see that I cast my attitude from my burdens on Charlie and that too makes me think I'm a horrible mom, but it also helps me to think, hey, ok, take this time for what it's worth, life is hard, but as a mother I need to make it enjoyable for Charlie and not let her experience the burdens I am carrying. It's so hard to pretend that I am doing great and life is happy when deep down inside I am dying, being torn down to my ultimate low, and just want to give up. At times I don't even want to be with Charlie, I relish at any moment given to me where I can be by myself, and I feel horrible for feeling like that, however, sometimes you just need it to be sane. And although our alone time as mothers, are far and few between, take that time to breathe and pump yourself back up to go back into battle :)... like I said, this won't last forever. i know you are unhappy sweety, but just remember that this is just a moment in time, and while it seems like forever, there are so many years in the future that we have left to make better that Nyla and Charlie will remember much more than what they or us are going through right now. So stay strong love. Everything will work out and be ok. try to enjoy Oregon for what it is even though you hate it. Try and enjoy being away from the family and having your own space in that sense even though you miss them tremendously. And try to realize that Nyla is just a baby, even at times when you feel like she might be the biggest pill in the world and you feel like giving up. Enjoy your beautiful home and your hard working husband, I mean hey, you could be in Cali with a deadbeat in a beat down apartment... hahaha... just kidding. I love you Natalie!! If you ever need to talk or just vent, please know that I am here for you at anytime. Natalie,
Keep your head up! I know how it is to go through tough times and not feel you have the strength to carry on. Life sometimes takes a turn and you wonder, why am I here in this place. I know how it is to take a step back and say wow, I never pictured my life like this… but it is. Just know that it won’t last forever… know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and while you would like to see that light now, patience is a virtue that is all too hard to acquire, yet has the most rewarding benefits at the end. We will all be together soon enough. I know you are trying to make the best of what you have, you are an amazing mother and wife! Keep you’re head up, life will pan out the way it is supposed to. And although you want to have another baby, maybe right now just isn’t the time. I know you probably have a timeline of the way you wanted things to occur, but sometimes you just have to give up control and let life happen and unfold regardless of what you had planned. I wish I could have another sibling for Charlie, however, that’s just not in my cards right now, and just like you, with where my life is right now, I emotionally and physically would not be able to handle another child. Even, I, at times, look at the reality of not having anymore children and it makes me sad… but like I said, right now I just possibly cannot do it, and if it turns out that I don’t have anymore later, then so be it… then Charlie will be my princess and I will live to make sure she experiences all the world has to offer her. And yes, sometimes I too, see that I cast my attitude from my burdens on Charlie and that too makes me think I’m a horrible mom, but it also helps me to think, hey, ok, take this time for what it’s worth, life is hard, but as a mother I need to make it enjoyable for Charlie and not let her experience the burdens I am carrying. It’s so hard to pretend that I am doing great and life is happy when deep down inside I am dying, being torn down to my ultimate low, and just want to give up. At times I don’t even want to be with Charlie, I relish at any moment given to me where I can be by myself, and I feel horrible for feeling like that, however, sometimes you just need it to be sane. And although our alone time as mothers, are far and few between, take that time to breathe and pump yourself back up to go back into battle :)… like I said, this won’t last forever. i know you are unhappy sweety, but just remember that this is just a moment in time, and while it seems like forever, there are so many years in the future that we have left to make better that Nyla and Charlie will remember much more than what they or us are going through right now. So stay strong love. Everything will work out and be ok. try to enjoy Oregon for what it is even though you hate it. Try and enjoy being away from the family and having your own space in that sense even though you miss them tremendously. And try to realize that Nyla is just a baby, even at times when you feel like she might be the biggest pill in the world and you feel like giving up. Enjoy your beautiful home and your hard working husband, I mean hey, you could be in Cali with a deadbeat in a beat down apartment… hahaha… just kidding. I love you Natalie!! If you ever need to talk or just vent, please know that I am here for you at anytime.

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