Feeling so stuck and alone…..

Its that dreadful winter time in Oregon and it definitely takes a toll on me. I know this is something some of my Oregon friends probably don’t want to hear about. It’s so hard to be going through something that you know they don’t understand and have no one to talk to about it. I just have to try and suck it up put on a fake happy face and try to harbor in all these emotions.

Me and Josh grew up in beautiful sunny southern California for 23 years. I lived in the same city since I can remember. I had an awesome childhood with always fun and exciting adventures. Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farm, Sea World, Raging Waters and plenty more. It was always a state that you had tons of pool parties cause almost every house had a pool. I just remember always being in the pool with friends and eating popsicles while bathing in the sunshine. Going out with flip flops, shorts and sunglasses. It was a great place to grow up, which makes me sad for Nyla. She won’t get to grow up like I did. She will have a totally different childhood, one that to me doesn’t sound that fun or exciting but I guess she won’t know any different cause that will be all she knows. But I know and it breaks my heart. I have made so many changes in my life in just these past 2 years that I should have thought about a little harder. I jumped in to moving to a different state that I really did not know about, I had a baby which I don’t regret having but I wish I would have waited maybe a little longer or at least have waited till I was in a place that made me happy so that I can better raise her. I feel like i’m in a place of confusion. I know what I want, yet I have no way of making that happen right now. Now with having Nyla I have to think of what’s best for her too, where I am torn with that. I just can’t imagine having her grow up being stuck in the house most of the year with the cold rainy weather, having not much to do here except the childrens museum and oregon zoo that just seem so tiny and boring. It hard for me to understand how people live like this being a person who has been around it all and likes to have tons of theme parks and stuff to do.

This is just something that I have to deal with and try to get through by myself. Fighting my emotions and trying to see how to live like this. I have to try and get through these next 5 years to see where we are at and see if the housing market gets better to even think about moving back. I know some people say just give it more time and you will love it. I completely disagree, I think it just depends on who you are as a person and what you like. I have never been and will never be a cloudy, rainy, not much to do person. That will never grow on me. I have talked to a bunch of people that have grown up in Oregon that don’t like this weather and said they wanted to move to California especially for their kids so that they have fun stuff to do. I am not saying everyone is like that, some people do like the rain and staying inside and not having all the theme parks. I think it just depends on you as a person, not everyone will like Oregon as much as some people think everyone will just like not everyone will like California.

I am gonna try and get through this. I know it isn’t permanent as much as 5 years sounds like forever. I get back to a place that makes me happy and content and make me a better mom to Nyla Breeze, cause that all I want to be is a happy mom that brings happiness to my baby. I want to be around all our family again too so that they can see her grow up. I know my mom wants to help me with her and I know I could really use help sometimes. Its even harder to raise a child without family around to help you cause those are the main people you feel comfortable with watching your child. I just think everyone will happier with us back where we belong and I pray to God that that will happen soon. Back to a place where I had the best childhood memories and best times in my life. A place of happiness, sunshine, beaches, awesome restaurants, shopping galore, theme parks, and pretty much everything else. A place I know and understand. You would only know and understand if you were in my shoes.

Debbie Neher

Hi sweetie, keep your head up and keep that beautiful smile on your on your face. No i never lived in Oregon with the rain, but I did lived in Las Vegas for 17yrs. where it was either to darn Hot and cold and windy to go outside,that part I do understand. It was the hardest years of my life. Iam so thankful to be back in California with family. Living up there I missed so much being gone. One thing that kept me going was remembering the good Lord does not give us more than we can handle. When ever I got down I would pray and remember those words. I do pray for you and Josh to be able to come home soon. We all Love you and Miss you. Can’t wait to see you in Feb. Love Aunt Debbie
http://vinthomas.com/blog Vin Thomas

I didn’t grow up in Oregon either, and I get a case of the rainy day blues too during these seasons. Oregon is a really beautiful place, but I could use more sun.

It sounds pretty gloomy now, but it will get better. It might not get to the point where you love Oregon, and who knows, you may end up moving back to Cali. But as you make new friends and spend more time here you will start to discover the wonderful things about Oregon too.

We all go through times when life seems unbearable. It’s tough. I will keep you in my prayers.
http://keshathomas.com Kesha Thomas

Wow, you are so sweet and so honest. It’s very good to let out those emotions! Gosh, Oregon is a whole different place compared to California and it’s SO ok to feel this way! God has such an amazing way of molding us and helping us adapt to the place He takes us. It’s a tough thing to do, but ultimately when we find our Joy and our security in The Lord, we can probably live in any place. Hopefully you and Josh can eventually find a church you love, through that you will begin to grow some wonderful friendships and relationships. That helps a lot. You have your whole life a head of you still. Nyla is young and she wont miss out on life. She has amazing parents and so many people in her life that will bring her all the joy and fun she could ask for! Oregon might just be a temporary place for your family and a great opportunity to trust God and grow a ton in Him! You are a great wife and mother, and I am sure Josh appreciates all the sacrifices you have made to be a wife, a mommy and move to a whole new place. Soon, the sun will start to shine more and more, the rain will end and Summer will bring beautiful sunny days, long warm nights perfect for the beach and BBQs! You will see. This truly is the hardest season to live here. And I’m sure you’ll have lots of vacations to California in the mean time!
Ps. I would LOVE to watch Nyla someday soon so you and Josh can have a date! Even just for a few hours. It would be a good step for you and it would be great for her too!
Marissa

I understand 100% where you are coming from. We lived in Michigan for 3 years and all I did was want to get back to California. I told Doug the other day that we have not been on a vacation together (except going to New York for New Years Eve in 2006) because we spend all his vacation time going to visit home!!

Where we lived in Michigan it was winter 7 months of the year and we got over 300 inches of snow a year!!! We spent weeks in the single digit temps and the last winter we were there we spent 2 weeks in negative temps. It was a far cry from sunny SoCal. Also, it was such a remote town! We had JC Penney and WalMart and Target was a 2 hour drive!! I spent much of the first 2 years hating it. I worked and tried to stay busy but I had to work at it. We tried to embrace it and the snow was fun for the first month or so of winter and then it just sucked!

Other Coastie wives would tell me that it is what you make of it. I hated hearing that. No one understood what it was like to come from somewhere that there was everything at your fingertips and so much to do and where all my family was….to a town where everyone knew you were an outsider and you can only walk around WalMart so many times!! My only advice is that knowing that it was temporary I knew I had to do my best to embrace it. It wasnt always easy, and there were times where I just hated it with a passion but looking back it was the best thing for me and Doug. We moved there right after we got married, it was just the two of us so we learned quickly that we had to rely on each other. Doug says it was the hardest part of our marriage but also the best thing for us. He is right!! If I had to do it again, I would make the most of being there and doing stuff there that I cant do here. We made some great friends and in the end it was worth it.

You two are very ambitious and you will get what you want but you cant forget to enjoy the journey on the way to getting where you want to be. (To be honest, if someone would have told me this I probably wouldnt have taken it all in…but being where you have been all I can do is tell you that you arent alone and there is someone out there that does understand!!).